So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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