Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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