Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
