haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
