so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
