There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
