If that was your dad, he is hot
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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