yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
