I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
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