Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
the liver wants what the liver wants
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
