The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
