Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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