well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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