the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
