I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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