You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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