So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Randomize
