I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
