i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
