dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
