Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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