I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
