I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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