he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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