Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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