I wanna passion pit in your ass
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
