Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The uberlube is also flammable
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
