How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
