I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
