thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
