her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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