I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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