I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
