Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
