Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
