Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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