What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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