Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
