you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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