Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
