Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
