I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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