I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
