good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
