sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
