I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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