i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
