You smell like a Billy Joel song
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
