one word: firstdatebathroomanal
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
