Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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