I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm passing your future prison.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
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