Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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