Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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