Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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