u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
