So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
