Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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